My Worst Fear
by Goddess-of-the-Night04
Summary: HPSS SLASH! Finally updated, and now COMPLETE! Not all relationships are perfect, and not everyone believes they deserve who they have. Ok...so I stink at this...but please rr
1. Misconceptions

[...] = lyrics  
  
'...' = inner monologue  
  
"..." = outloud speech  
  
Please review. If you guys want, I'll post a second chapter, but if no one says anything, then I will not write another chapter. So if you like it enough to wanna see more, then you're gonna have to work for it  
  
Oh yes, and this is SLASH! For those of you who don't know what it is (poor sheltered beings) it is two members of the same sex being together...yes, in that way. So if that offends you, please stop reading right now and don't flame me and tell me how unholy I am and that I'm going to burn in hell for writting this stuff, please. If you do, however, feel the need to flame me, I can take it...but that's only if you can't hold back your murderous rage towards me  
  
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He leaned back in his uncomfortable desk chair suddenly and grabbed the bridge of his nose as he released his long-overdue aggravated sigh. Professor Severus Snape had been sitting there for over 2 hours grading the 6th years papers on Kings Foil and its uses, not really reading them at all. In fact, he'd read the same sentence on Ms. Florence's scroll about 10 times, and it wasn't even right! It played in his head, almost mocking him: "Kings Foil is a very rare, beautiful flower used in healing draughts for people who suffer from severe cuts." No no no no NO! Kings Foil is a very abundant weed, not a flower at all.  
  
He finally scratched his disapproval on the parchment and moved onto the rest of it, which, consequently, explained of how beautiful the plant could be. 'Stop reading romance novels and believing in 'love at 16' and read your potions book and stray back into reality!' he cursed the young girl in his head.  
  
Severus Snape had much bigger things to worry about right now than reading umpteen scrolls telling him wrong things about something that he already knew about. No, the greasy potions master was having relationship problems; something he hadn't had in quite sometime, and it was bugging him that he would have to go through this at his age. In fact, he probably wouldn't be if Harry Bloody Potter hadn't come into his life.  
  
Their relationship had started in Harry's 6th year after he had defeated Voldemort, and continued to this day: 2 years after his graduation from Hogwarts.  
  
Severus was never a man to be naïve or slow witted, no; he knew Harry would get bored with him some day and leave him…some day soon. He knew he shouldn't be thinking this way, that he should enjoy what he had while he still had it, but deep down something was telling him his relationship was soon going to end. That his love would soon leave him all alone.  
  
He was a proud man. Raised an aristocrat and holding the title of the best Potions Master in all of England, not to mention his Order of Merlin – First Class for his duties in the war. But through all of that, he was still afraid of being alone after having someone there for him when he woke up in the morning and to hold on to at night to fight off his nightmares (though he would never admit to anyone, not even Harry, that he had them).  
  
He sighed heavily again and looked at the clock: 6:30; dinner would be ready soon. Just as he was looking back down at the scrolls on his desk again reluctantly, the door to his office opened, admitting the DADA teacher: Harry Potter himself, a very happy Harry Potter, at that. Snape couldn't help but smile at the excitement on his young lovers face. He loved the boy, and the boy said he loved him back…but the words couldn't be trusted.  
  
"Sev, I've got wonderful news!" Harry came over to the desk and straddled Severus' legs and kissed him passionately before Severus could answer  
  
"And what news, pray tell, would that be?" He asked once his lips were returned to him  
  
"Ron got the job he's been desperately trying to get! The one at the ministry as the lead criminal investigator! Isn't that lovely?" Harry was practically bouncing on the older mans legs, causing slight discomfort on said legs  
  
Snape simply raised an eyebrow and looked at Harry then said, "And I should care? Really, Harry, he's your friend, not mine" he was only playing around and the younger man knew it, but they still had the most fun when they playfully bantered with one another, so he took the bait  
  
"Now really, Sev, you know you simply love Ron. And I know you're happy for him, no matter what you say" A smile playing at the corners of his mouth all the while  
  
Severus sighed in fake resignation and said, "I guess you're right. Since I 'simply love' him so much," he began, mocking his lovers words, "then maybe I should be bedding him instead of you" a perfectly raised eyebrow  
  
"If you want," Harry said, getting off his lap, "he's awesome in bed. Besides, it's not like I'm terribly fond of you, anyway" he joked as he went into the bedroom, leaving the door open in invitation  
  
Of course, Snape followed him into the room and was met by the sight of a shirtless Harry looking through his wardrobe for a different one to put on. Severus admired the toned shoulders and back for a minute and then walked over and wrapped his arms around the young mans waist, pulling him flush against his chest. Harry sighed in contentment and leaned back against him, rolling his head back so it now lay on Severus' right shoulder, his eyes closed, as his hands moved down and were placed over the ones on his abs.  
  
"I love when you do this," Harry said quietly  
  
"I could tell," he said before leaning down and catching his lovers lips with his own. As the kiss became more heated, Severus turned Harry in his arms so they were now facing each other and began to move them towards the bed, but Harry pulled away.  
  
"No," he said, "not now"  
  
"What?" Severus asked, obviously shocked, his ears weren't expecting to hear those words  
  
"Ron, Hermione and I are going out to celebrate Ron's promotion. I'm supposed to meet them in The Three Broomsticks in 20 minutes and I'm not finished getting ready yet" he explained  
  
"I see. Alright then, I understand" Severus placed a light kiss on his lovers nose and pulled away, heading towards the door to his classroom again  
  
"Are you angry?" Harry asked, not moving from where he had been left  
  
"No, I'm not angry, I completely understand. I've got papers to grade, so I was going to go back and do that now while you get ready, if that's quite alright" He said, not turning around so Harry couldn't see the hurt and confusion in his eyes  
  
"If you're sure…because I don't want you mad at me" he said earnestly  
  
"Get ready, Harry" and he walked out of the room  
  
He knew he'd have to do it soon. Harry was showing signs of his not wanting to be with his old professor anymore. As much as he loved the boy (which was quite a lot, believe me), he could no longer stay with him because he would soon be hurt. He couldn't be hurt again.  
  
About 10 minutes later, Harry emerged from the room dressed in his tight (but not too tight) black leather pants and his long-sleeved button up green dress shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows and the top two buttons undone. He made his way over to Severus and leaned down to give him a quick kiss.  
  
"I'll be back late, so don't wait up," he said, but he only received a grunt in response. As he was about to walk out the door, hand on the knob, he turned and said: "And please, Sev, eat something tonight. I know you didn't eat lunch" and with that he walked out, closing the door behind him.  
  
As soon as the lock caught, Severus put his head in his hands, letting his fingers massage his tired eyes that, at some point, began to throb, then ran his hands through his shoulder-length hair and breathed deeply for a few seconds.  
  
He finally dragged himself up from his chair and went to the Great Hall for dinner. He was late, as usual, and didn't really eat anything. Albus kept sending curious, sad looks his way, which Severus chose to pointedly ignore. And even though he arrived late, he left before anyone else did and retired to his rooms to try to take his mind off Harry, and what he would be doing the next day.  
  
As soon as he awoke the next morning, he'd tell Harry that he was leaving him and then proceed to Albus' office to resign from his position as Potions Master. He simply couldn't stay here any longer.  
  
No matter what the boy said about not waiting up for him, he'd do it anyway. He knew Harry'd be home soon; he never did like staying out too late, plus it was already midnight. So he set his wards to tell him when Harry was coming towards the outside door and then laid down on his side of the bed and read. Surely enough, not even a half hour later the wards went haywire, as he had set them to, signaling Harry was home.  
  
He quickly and quietly closed his book, set it on the bedside table, and turned out the light, making himself comfortable under the covers as he heard Harry enter the classroom. He barely settled himself, lying on his back in the big bed, before the bedroom door opened and admitted Harry.  
  
It took the boy about five minutes to get ready to sleep, and then he climbed into bed. When he did, he nestled over to Severus and positioned himself so he was on his side, facing the man, and being supported upright by an elbow. He then quietly moved down and placed a soft, tender kiss on Severus' lips. Through the dark, Severus could smell some alcohol on the boys breath, but not much; certainly not enough to be drunk on.  
  
[Last night you gave me a kiss  
You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did  
You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep  
So I just laid there pretending to be.]  
  
"So peaceful…yet still so worried," Harry said and lightly traced the furrow between Severus' eyes. It took all of his will power not to move or open his eyes to let his lover know he was awake. Just when Severus thought the boy had fallen asleep, he spoke up again: "I hope you're not mad at me, my love. You probably think I don't care about you anymore. But I do. God help me, I do. You're not greasy, you're not a bat, and you're not all that old," he whispered on, "you're my dark angel. I don't know what I'm going to do without you," another soft kiss was placed on slightly trembling lips, though that went unnoticed since Harry's were trembling as well, "I love you, Severus" And with that, the boy lowered himself to the bed beside Severus and fell asleep.  
  
[You said some things  
You didn't know I could hear  
And the words "I love you"  
Never sounded so sincere  
  
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving  
Now that I know just how much you care  
You finally gave me one good reason not to go  
But staying here is my worst fear.]  
  
Severus lay awake for an hour or more after Harry had fallen asleep at his side, thinking about the words that had been said. Even after Harry had confessed those things, the Potion Masters mind still stayed set on the same answer: he had to leave, because Harry would tire of him soon and hurt him. 'He's so young,' Severus told himself, 'he'll never want to stay here forever. But I want him to stay here forever…I have to go before I get hurt too badly'. With that last thought, Severus allowed sleep to overtake him.  
  
The next morning Snape awoke to find Harry missing from the bed, and one look at the clock revealed why: it was 11:30 in the afternoon, and Harry always got up around 10. Come to think of it, Severus always got up around 10, as well…huh…odd.  
  
Oh yes; now he remembered why he had slept in. The conversation that Harry had had with the "sleeping" Severus the previous night came flooding back to him, along with an uneasy weight in his stomach. Today was the day he left Harry and Hogwarts forever.  
  
He got out of bed and walked out into the connected kitchen area to the left of the bed. Walking in, however, he found no one. Puzzled, he looked through the rest of the small enclosure, still not finding the boy he sought. "Harry!" he called out in every room, each time a little louder than the last, but there never came a reply. He walked back into the kitchen, pulled out one of the chairs, and sat down in the empty room. Taking a second look at the table, however, he spotted a note that was lying innocently on the smooth wooden top. Severus shakily leaned forward and picked up the parchment in his hand that unmistakably had Harry's handwriting on it and read:  
  
'My Dear Severus,  
  
Please forgive me for taking the cowards way out and not telling you this to your face. I must leave you. I'm sorry, my love, I didn't want to, you must believe me. It has become increasingly apparent to me that you are losing interest in me and what we had. Maybe you were scared I would be the one to lose interest in our relationship, but I swear to you that that would never have happened.  
You're probably asking yourself why I left, then. The truth is, Severus, that the way you were treating me, as if you were bored with me, hurt me more than words can say. So many times in my life I've felt the same pain, and I'm too old to just settle to take it; even from you.  
So I left. And I'm sorry if this hurt you, but I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sure you know where to find me if you wish to sort things out, or make me believe that you still love me like you said you did.  
I will always love you, Severus. My Severus. And if you truly do feel afraid that I will grow tired of your company, please believe me when I say, with all the sincerity in my heart, that I will never tire of your company or the life that we may have if you ever take me back. I love you. Goodbye.  
  
Forever Yours,  
Harry J. Potter'  
  
As he finished reading the letter, a tear fell onto the parchment, landing next to Harry's name. He was gone…  
  
[This morning I rolled out of bed  
Recalling all the sweet things you said  
This was the day I was gonna hurt you bad  
Called out your name  
But you didn't answer back  
I searched the house to find out what was wrong  
Like a ton of bricks, it hit me you were gone  
  
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving  
Now that I know just how much you care  
You finally gave me one good reason not to go  
But staying here is my worst fear.]  
  
This was not how this was supposed to go. I was supposed to leave him, not the other way around. It was my job to feel insecure, not him; not my angel.  
  
'Maybe you were wrong. You can still get him back' Severus' conscious tried to tell him  
  
'No! He'll still hurt me! He's playing with my heart' he retorted in his head  
  
'Go to him! You know he's at Ron's house. Go and get your love and life back!'  
  
'I can't! He'll know I'm weak then and leave me again anyway'  
  
'But that's just it: he wants to know that you're human; that you're capable of returning the feelings he has towards you. You know you can do that and you know you want to.'  
  
'It's useless' he was crying on the outside as he fought his internal struggle  
  
'Stop blubbering and Go. To. Him.'  
  
'He won't take me back' and suddenly after this statement in his head, he remembered a part of what Harry had said last night: 'I don't know what I'm going to do without you', not 'I don't know what I would do without you' as he had originally thought. How could he have missed that last night? He slapped his forehead and his conscious came back to fight:  
  
'Stop beating yourself up, old man. You know what you must do if you want to get him back. Now GO! Don't make me say it again!'  
  
Severus nodded resolutely once and, leaving the note on the table, walked towards the door  
  
[All along I knew that there was something missing  
And only one thing left to do  
I had to leave behind this life that we'd been living  
But the only thing that left was you  
  
It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving  
Now that I know just how much you care  
You finally gave me one good reason not to go  
But being alone is my worst fear  
And staying here is my worst fear.]  
  
As the Potions Master made his way out of the building and to Ron's house, he kept repeating one phrase over and over in his head: 'He swore he'd never tire of me'  
  
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So that's that. Do you want me to write another chapter for this? Because I certainly can, though it'll be a WIP.  
  
The song that keeps "playing" is 'My Worst Fear' by Rascal Flatts. I got the idea last night/this morning at breakfast.  
  
Please review and tell me what you think of it 


	2. At Ron's House

Hey all, thanks for all the reviews! This chapter, I'm sad to say, is not based around a song, so there are no amazing lyrics to make this seem better than it really is. There is a poem though...so yeah...  
  
Thanks for all the interest shown in this story, and Reese Craven, thank you so much for the suggestion to change the summary! Is it better now? If not, then I'm gonna need your help (or anyone else's) help on figuring out a better one. Seems to've worked out well enough, since I got many more reviews after changing it.  
  
Oh, and AJ-Wolf-AJ, I'm not sure if I should be really happy or really sorry that chapter one made you cry, lol. But believe it or not, I smiled when I read that, because that seems like a compliment to me...and if it wasn't, I'll give you a cookie  
  
But anyway, enjoy the new chapter!  
  
Meanwhile, at Ron's house:  
  
-BANG BANG BANG-  
  
"What the...?" A groggy Ron grumbled and looked at the clock: 9:30 on his precious Saturday morning. He groaned and rolled over to bury his face in his pillow again; completely oblivious to why he had awoken in the first place. That is, until -BANG BANG BANG- on his front door again, this time accompanied by: "Ron! Get your lazy butt up before I wake the rest of your building!"  
  
He knew that voice: that was Harry. 'How nice of him to visit me, I haven't seen him in awhile' Ron smiled to himself and then came to his senses and wondered: 'wait a second! I just saw him last night. So why would Harry be here at 9:30? Surely Ron hadn't forget any plans they might've had...  
  
So he grudgingly rolled out of bed and padded his way towards the front door, and, before Harry could attempt to bring it down a third time, opened it  
  
"Oi! Harry, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Ron said, only half jokingly  
  
"Morning! Can I...can I come in?" he shuffled his feet a little, feeling embarrassed that he had to do this  
  
Ron gave Harry a once over, only to find that his friend looked like shit. He almost looked like he had been crying, or if not that, he sure was about to. But Harry -never- cries, not anymore, not since he got together with Sever...as he was about to finish the thought, his gaze fell on the rucksack that was on the floor next to Harry's feet. Ron may have been slow in his school years, but now that he was in the business world, he was fairly quick-witted. He knew why Harry was here, and he would kill Severus Snape for whatever he did to make his friend like this again.  
  
"Of course, Harry, come on in," Ron moved out of the way so Harry could enter the, rather small, flat.  
  
"Thanks" he grabbed his sack and followed Ron inside  
  
"So what brings you to my humble abode at such an insane hour? Is everything alright?"  
  
"I'll tell you about it once I get a chance to sit down"  
  
"Alright, let's go to the living room then"  
  
The two friends walked into the little lounging area that wasn't too far from the door. Once in the room, Harry sat on the couch while Ron sat in the nearby chair, "Now, are you ready to tell me what happened?"  
  
Harry simply nodded while looking down at his clamped hands sadly, "Well, the main thing is that I just left Severus"  
  
Ron could see that the tears were building up to dangerous heights, "But Harry..." 'you love him' he was about to say, but didn't think that would be the best thing to say in this situation, so settled on: "what could make you leave him? I swear I'll gut him if he hurt you." Perfect, showing that you care. Ron smiled inwardly at his tactics of showing his support  
  
"It just...something was missing," then after a slight pause: "no...that's not true. Everything was there: the happiness, the care..........the love" he said the last part very quietly before continuing on, "and unfortunately, so was the insecurity and doubt"  
  
"What do you mean?" Ron inquired, tilting his head to one side slightly to show he was interested and paying attention  
  
"He thought I was would tire of him, so he began to distance himself. He would start to act as though he didn't care about what happened, but his words said otherwise. It was as though he was trying to throw me off"  
  
"He's a scared old git," Ron said with no little amount of loathing, but he withdrew from that peak with one glare from Harry, "Sorry. But really, Harry, anyone who's seen the way he looks at you knows he loves you"  
  
"He's scared, Ron. And I am too," he admitted, "he's told me of his past relationships and how badly they've hurt him. In turn I told him everything about what the Dursley's used to do to me: the beatings, the slave labor.....the rape" he added quietly  
  
Harry'd never told anyone, besides Severus of course, about being raped by his relatives. And because of that fact, Ron's look of shock was not surprising to Harry as he looked up at his friend from under his lashes for the first time since they had entered the living room  
  
"Harry..." there were a few seconds of silence, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know"  
  
Harry merely shook his head, "don't worry about it, it's my fault I didn't tell you"  
  
"That's not important at this point, and don't worry about it; I completely understand," he said reassuringly, "now, back to Severus" at the mention of the other man's name, Harry lowered his gaze again  
  
"After exchanging...horror stories," he took a deep breath before continuing, "We promised each other that we wouldn't let the other be hurt again"  
  
Things reached a completely new level of surprise and emotion for Ron when the first tear fell from the shockingly green eyes. It was the first tear he'd witnessed falling since the beginning of sixth year, after Sirius' death  
  
Ron moved over to the couch and sat down next to his distressed friend. Unsure of what form of comfort he was supposed to offer, he settled for placing a gentle hand on Harry's left shoulder, that being the closest to him.  
  
Harry leaned into the touch and gave into his need to just let his worries out through the form of tears. Ron sat there, silently waiting for Harry to calm down again, meanwhile coming to his own conclusion: Harry Potter was still very much in love with Severus Snape  
  
It only took five minutes, at most, before Harry's tears dried up, his eyes so unused to the phenomenon to carry it on for too long  
  
"I hurt him. I lied to his face. But even worse, I left him all alone, just like all the others; the others I swore not to be like," he sounded so lost that Ron couldn't help but melt. Harry repressed a sob and started to recite a poem:  
  
"I search for you in the middle of the night,  
  
Looking out to the winding road,  
  
I know that it is useless,  
  
You're not coming home,  
  
You said you were leaving me,  
  
Leaving me all alone.  
  
So what can I do,  
  
But sit here and wait,  
  
Hoping you'll come back to me,  
  
And make me believe in fate,  
  
But I doubt that my dream will come true,  
  
Not on this night.  
  
And maybe you'll realize,  
  
Come back and prove me wrong,  
  
Show me your last words were lies,  
  
And then hold me in your arms,  
  
I'll be right back where I wanted,  
  
Forever and always in your embrace.  
  
So I'll keep on dreaming,  
  
And hoping that you come,  
  
But I know that it is useless,  
  
You're not coming home,  
  
Because you said you were leaving me,  
  
Leaving me all alone."  
  
After finishing the reading, Harry lowered his face into his hands, knowing that he had made that poem a reality  
  
"That was beautiful, Harry" Ron said softly  
  
"It should be. It's Severus' that he wrote during the war," he sighed heavily, looking extremely worn out  
  
"Lie down, Harry, come on now, you're exhausted," Ron helped to slowly lower the other man to the couch and then stood up  
  
"Won't be able to sleep," Harry mumbled with half lidded eyes, causing his friend to not believe a word of it  
  
"Be that as it may, you'll feel better simply laying down," he laid a blanket over Harry's prone form, "I'll stay with you till you drift off," he said and moved to sit back in the chair  
  
"Thank you, Ron. Can I stay here for awhile?"  
  
"As long as you need to, mate"  
  
"Thanks" and then the room was taken over by silence. Just as Harry was beginning to drift off, he remembered something: "Oh, and Ron?"  
  
"Yes, Harry?" he responded after being dragged away from his close sleep as well  
  
"Severus might arrive here sometime. I told him that if he wanted to make this right again, that he'd know where to find me"  
  
"And if and when he does, am I to allow him to see you?"  
  
Harry thought for a minute and then came to a decision: "Yes. I will wish to speak with him if he's willing to travel all this way," he yawned  
  
"Very well. Now stop worrying over everything and rest"  
  
"M'k," he mumbled sleepily and closed his eyes. Ron soon followed his friends utterly -brilliant- idea and tried to go back to what he was doing before Harry had arrived  
  
It wasn't much later, however, that he was awoken in much the same way, but oddly subtler. Soft knocking awoke both of the occupants of the living room. Grumbling, not for the first time that day, Ron looked at his watch (a muggle one that his father had given to him for Christmas. He had simply fell in love with it, muggle or no) before getting up from his uncomfortable position in the chair to see that it was 11:45 now. The persistent knocking became a notch louder and he finally succumbed to the pressure and got up to answer the door. What he saw did not surprise him  
  
The potions master was getting aggravated at not getting an answer yet, 'what if he's not here? Where else would he be? What if he -is- here but simply doesn't want to see me?' his stomach fell just as the door opened to reveal the red-head  
  
"Hello, Mr. Weasley," Severus bent his head in greeting  
  
"Hell, Professor, I've been expecting you. Follow me," Ron stepped away from the door once more and lead the taller man towards the living room  
  
When the pair entered, Harry was sitting upright on the soft cushions, playing with the edge of the blanket that was draped across his lap  
  
"Harry, you have a visitor," Ron said gently, knowing that even though he had given his permission to allow Snape into the flat to see him, this was still hard for him  
  
Harry slowly looked towards the doorway to his right, and the pain and sadness that Ron saw there almost killed him with guilt himself. Oh, how he didn't envy Snape in this situation. How can a lover not want to quench those emotions as quickly as possible if even a friend wanted to?  
  
Ron cleared his throat, "I'll just leave you two alone now," he said and excused himself from the room, only to position himself in the kitchen so he could listen in  
  
Neither Harry nor Severus spoke for a few minutes, merely communicating through their eyes to show how sorry they were  
  
Severus was the first to speak, after clearing his throat, "Harry, are you willing to let an old, stubborn man explain his actions?" he asked, nervously  
  
Harry appeared to think it over quickly, then said resolutely, "only if you say it first" his eyes begging the man to tell him what he wanted...no, needed to hear.  
  
The young man didn't have to explain himself any further, Severus knew what he wanted to hear, and with him looking at him so pleadingly, how could anyone refuse? So he steeled his will, threw aside his pride, and took the first step to getting his Harry back: "I'm so sorry, Harry. I love you. Can you ever forgive me?" his eyes searched the large green orbs that he knew so well, hoping to find his feelings returned  
  
After hearing those three simple declarations, Harry closed his eyes as emotions swept through his body again. He had heard what he wanted to for now, but could the older man tell him why he had acted the way he had?  
  
"Thank you," he said quietly, opening his eyes as he did so Severus could see how much it meant to him, "but before I can answer your question, I must ask a few of my own: can you explain your actions so I can finally understand why you were driving me away? Can you convince me that you really want me around as much as -I- want to be around?"  
  
Severus took in a deep breath and held it to steady his nerves before answering, "I will certainly try my hardest to"  
  
Harry was pleading him with his eyes again to do a good job so that he could trust him not to hurt him again, and he'd be damned if he didn't do just that.  
  
"Then by all means, Severus, pop a squat. This may take awhile," Harry sounded no less wary of the situation, but he was anxious to hear the man he loved out  
  
Severus merely crinkled his nose at the muggle expression that Harry favored to use and made his way over to the chair Ron had abandoned earlier  
  
So how was that for a follow up? I really hope it wasn't disappointing! And just so you know, they're not exactly out of the woods quite yet. Sorry. Or maybe they are...we'll see. This -is- a WIP, right?  
  
Thank you to all my reviewers! Reese Craven, Neh, the-magic-is-in-you, Amaurea2003, Kateri1, valanthe, LOTRfreak85, AJ-Wolf-AJ and Ishy  
  
Oh yes, I'll warn you not to get used to such swift updates, lol, I'm notorious for taking a long time (up to a week or more) to update. I will let you in on a little secret though: all the reviews I received gave me the motivation to update faster, so chances are that the more reviews I get, the quicker I will update.  
  
This story should only be one or two more chapters long...unless I get one of those damn bunnies that likes to drag things out horribly long  
  
Oh, and the poem that Harry recites in this chapter is my own work (written before this idea was ever thought up), called 'Leaving me all alone'  
  
So again, that's that. Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter. Thank you! 


	3. Let's be us again

If you are reading this, chances are you are interested in finding out what will happen between Severus and Harry...and I thank you  
  
A big thanks must go out to my reviews, however: Winnie2, Pure Black, the-magic-is-in-you, barbarataku, lillinfields, Doneril, crazy-lil-nae-nae and of course AJ-Wolf-AJ. Thank you all for your words encouragement!   
  
And AJ-Wolf-AJ, you'll get another special message: I'm glad making you cry was a good thing...but I think I'll give you a cookie anyway ::hands you a cookie:: and isn't the song really good? It makes me cry mostly cuz it reminds me of all my senior guys (all just friends, I'm not a player) that are graduating this year. I'm glad I could get someone into that song, lol  
  
But now that I'm done what that, here's the next chapter ::bites lip and hopes it's satisfactory:: oh, and before I forget: this chapter -is- based around a song again  
  
And just as in the first chapter:  
  
[...] = lyrics  
  
'...' = inner monologue  
  
"..." = actual spoken words  
  
============================================  
  
After sitting down, Severus found himself at a loss for words  
  
"Severus?" Harry tentatively asked, almost sounding like the 16-year-old he had fallen in love with in the first place again, "Please," he begged, tears building. Severus waiting so long to begin began to scare Harry, 'What if he doesn't want me back? What if he can't forgive me for what I've done?' and suddenly Harry couldn't look at the other man anymore. He was too ashamed  
  
[Tell me what I have to do tonight  
'Cause I'd do anything to make it right  
Let's be us again  
I'm sorry for the way I lost my head  
I don't know why I said the things I said  
Let's be us again]  
  
"Harry, I don't know where to begin," he pleaded with the young man to understand how suffocating it was between this rock and a hard place  
  
"Try the beginning," he looked up at him again  
  
Severus sighed, "That's so far back..." After he had said the words, he knew they were the wrong ones to voice. 'Now he thinks I don't care enough to trust him with it all,' and Harry's eyes were showing just that. So he gave in  
  
"Ok, Harry, I'll try"  
  
[Here I stand  
With everything to lose  
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end  
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you  
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in  
Let's be us again]  
  
"You remember how I told you that all my lovers in the past had hurt me?" a simple nod from Harry and he continued, "They had all told me that they cared about and loved me. -All- of them. But in the end they all left, because they grew tired of me"  
  
"I told you I never would"  
  
"You also said you'd never leave me," Severus said rather more icily then he had meant to  
  
Harry was silent for a moment, searching his hands for answers again, before looking up once more, "I know I did, but I had to go. I knew you would never talk to me honestly about this whole deal unless you felt pressed," Harry took a deep breath before continuing, "And Sev, it hurt so bad. -So- bad, to be so close to you without you giving it your all just because you were scared over nothing"  
  
"But why leave? There was no easier way?" Severus sounded lost now, too  
  
"I knew you loved me and wouldn't let me go if I told you in the letter that I still loved you and that you had a chance to get me back. You're a very stubborn man"  
  
"That doesn't give you the right to..." Severus began, but Harry cut him off before he could finish:  
  
"The right to what? To do what you were planning to do, only this way it was on my terms and not yours?" Severus sat there, stunned at the loud outburst filled with hurt. 'How had he known?' "Oh yes, Sev, I knew what you were planning. I also knew that if it had happened your way instead of mine, you wouldn't be so willing to be sitting here trying to get me back in your life," Harry practically yelled, his emotions going haywire  
  
Severus was stunned into silence again, "Harry, I don't want to fight anymore," he proclaimed sadly, almost as if he was too exhausted to  
  
"Then explain to me why. I understand what your other lovers have done, but -why- is that such a big deal, Sev? Why?" Harry asked softer  
  
"Because..." he couldn't say it. He'd never opened up quite -this- much before, and it made him uneasy, even though it was only Harry  
  
Or maybe it was -because- it was 'only Harry' that it was so hard. What if the boy didn't love him after he opened up? He'd be right back where it ended with everybody else he let get close to him  
  
"Severus," Harry begged again, tears threatening to fall once more, "I have to know"  
  
A brief silence, and then: "Because...because...I love you more then I've ever loved anyone else. Do you know how attached I am to you, and how absolutely frightening that is for me? I depended on and was attached to my past lovers less than I am with you, but when they left...it hurt me so much. If you ever were to truly leave me, Harry, I don't know what I'd do, for surly it'd hurt 10 times worse," he was becoming desperate and sounding frantic, he knew, but for some reason he all of a sudden felt he had to tell Harry all of it. Something he said had to make Harry stay  
  
[Look at me, I'm way past pride  
Isn't there some way that we can try to be us again  
Even if it takes a while  
I'll wait right here until I see that smile  
That says we're us again  
  
Here I stand  
With everything to lose  
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end  
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you  
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in  
Let's be us   
  
Baby baby what would I do  
I can't imagine life without you]  
  
"Severus..." Harry started, but this time it was Severus' turn to cut him off  
  
"No, Harry, hang on. You mean everything to me, and with time, I feared, yes -feared-, that it would grow stronger. In my mind, I was convinced you would grow tired of me as everyone else had done and leave me. I thought that if I ended it sooner, before I could really be dependent on you, that I would be saving myself," he breathed and looked Harry in the eye, "But it seems that I was too late. It's already reached the point of 'too much dependency' for me. I cannot let you go now, even if I wanted to save myself. I love you, Harry"  
  
By the end of Severus' speech, Harry was crying silent tears. His eyes were closed, and remained closed for a few minutes, so Severus couldn't see whether they were tears of joy or of sorrow  
  
He wanted to go and hold the young man he loved so much in his arms; to kiss away his tears, but now he felt somewhat unworthy of that  
  
Harry's eyes finally opened, but Severus didn't see because he was too engrossed in studying the youngest Weasley boy's choice in carpeting  
  
[Here I stand  
With everything to lose  
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end  
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you  
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in  
  
Oh, here I am  
I'm reaching out for you  
So won't you open up your heart and let me come back in  
Let's be us again]  
  
"Did you mean it?" Harry asked quietly, his voice a little husky from holding back sobs  
  
Severus looked him in the eye rather fearfully and told him the honest-to-god truth: "Every word"  
  
A smile made its way to Harry's face and eyes. Then, suddenly, Harry managed to stand up on his slightly wobbly legs, walk over to Severus' chair swiftly, and settle himself in the older mans lap. Once there, he gazed into the black orbs almost searchingly, as if examining his very soul, then leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, putting as much love and understanding as he could into it  
  
Once it ended, Harry smiled and buried his face in Severus' neck and sighed contently, wrapping his arms around him  
  
"I'm sorry I left," he whispered into the soft skin  
  
"Strangely, I find that I am not," he said with a little smile. At this statement, Harry lifted his head and gazed at him in awe, so Severus hurried to explain himself, "If you hadn't left I never would've gotten to tell you all that I did," he said, then added, almost as an after thought: "I never would've finally trusted you completely, and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy for the rest of time"  
  
Harry smiled brightly again and leaned in to kiss Severus once more, only very passionate and needy this time  
  
Once they broke apart, Harry said, "I love you, too"  
  
"I know, Harry, I know," he softly said, brushing a stray hair from Harry's right eye lovingly with his left hand  
  
"Sev?" Harry asked, looking contemplative  
  
"Yes, Harry?"  
  
"Can we go home now?"  
  
Severus smiled at the words and replied, "Of course, love"  
  
[Oh let's be us again]  
  
They both stood and headed towards the door and Severus grabbed Harry's bag as he passed it. At the door, Harry turned and yelled, "Thank you, Ron, but we'll be going now," to which he received an odd sounding 'goodbye' and then left  
  
Back in the kitchen, Ronald Weasley sat crying at the table  
  
===========================================================  
  
That's chapter 3 for ya. Again, I hope it wasn't disappointing. I know it was a little bit (a little like a lot) shorter than the previous chapters, and I'm sorry for that, but I didn't want to drag on their sappy speeches and declarations of love for too long  
  
The song that was "playing" throughout this chapter was 'Let's be us again' by Lonestar...I've found that counrty songs tend to have a sweeter, truer meaning to them and find it more suiting for this story  
  
The next chapter should have some smutty goodness. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post on here because of their strict guidelines. But I'm sure I'd be able to set up a system to get the un-edited version to whoever wanted it if it comes down to it  
  
Thank you again for all the reviews! It's a tad intimidating, I must admit, seeing as how I'm usually used to only getting 3 or 4 reviews per chapter, but I've already got...17ish or something for two chapters alone. Please continue to leave me so many reviews, because it really does help to motivate me to get down to writing  
  
I promise to try my hardest to update quickly again, but my last day of finals is tomorrow, and then I have an 'all fine arts picnic' to attend after the tests, so who knows how that'll go 


	4. True Hearts

Ok guys, here it is: the fourth chapter! I'm really sorry it took me so long to update it (I told you guys not to get too used to my speedy updates), but things come up that just have to be handled before everything else, no?  
  
So I hope you like this one…and many thanks goes out to my reviewers:  
  
-the-magic-is-in-you - I already have this story posted here and on adultfanfiction.net (which is also an awesome site), but (unless I get told otherwise) I will only be posting this one version both places. Thanks though, and glad to hear you like the songs, as well J  
  
-Pure Black - I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Ron does not love Harry any more than a friend in this story. I have it as Ron and Harry used to be bed partners, but no real feelings were shared between the two, so it was easy to break off. And since I don't plan on ever including the reason for Ron's crying at the end of chapter 3 in later chapters, simply because I'm blanking on a way to do so, I'll simply tell you: he was crying because he found the conversation between Harry and Severus so sweet and he's jealous of what they have…sorry for the confusion  
  
-AJ-Wolf-AJ - Thank you! I love you!  
  
-Ishy - Thank you, both for you compliments and your offer, however all the punctuation that's "wrong" in these chapters aren't wrong at all, it's simply the way I hear them speaking in my head and want them to relay it. Thank you though, and your comments about punctuation have made me more alert to those and making sure it'll make sense to the reader as well as present it the way that I want it  
  
-Winnie2 - Thank you, and here's your more!  
  
-Aja - Thank you, I hope I did well on my finals as well. For your answer to 'Why was Ron crying?' question, you can refer to my note to Pure Black, where I explained why. And since you said you would come back (not necessarily review), I'll say: "Welcome back!"  
  
Now, this chapter is based on a song again, so just as before:  
  
[…] = lyrics  
  
'…' = inner thoughts (important a little down the way)  
  
"…" = outer monologue   
  
()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
They apparated to the grassy area just outside the great gates that blocked the path to the school. Once there, Severus went to pull Harry by the hand towards the gates, but was surprised to find that his young lover was not following his lead. He turned around to see what was the matter, and when he did, he saw a look of pure mischief in the green eyes  
  
Before he knew what was happening, Harry was pulling him towards the outer edge of the forbidden forest. When they reached the haven of the secret enclosure where no one could see them, Harry pushed Severus up against a tree, smiled wickedly, and then began to snog his dear old professor as if it were the last thing he'd ever do  
  
Once they pulled away from the heated kiss, due to lack of oxygen in their lungs, they stared deeply into each others eyes, trying desperately to tell the other how much they meant to them without the use of words. They wanted to assure the other that they would never let anything get in-between them ever again…they would fight for their love to be accepted if it were necessary  
  
[Look into my eyes - you will see  
What you mean to me  
Search your heart - search your soul  
And when you find me there you'll search no more  
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for  
You know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you]  
  
"Harry, I…" Severus began, but was cut short by Harry's right hand being placed over his mouth as he shook his head softly, to which he raised one perfect eyebrow, mastered through years of practice  
  
"I know. Now is my time to make everything up to you: leaving, tricking and deceiving you. Severus, you are my world, my light…everything I live for is embodied in one person: you. If I had been wrong today…if you weren't planning on taking me back…I don't know what I would've done with myself, Sev, I honestly don't," Harry paused and searched deeper, more pleadingly into Severus' eyes then he had ever done before. Somehow, he needed to make this man see that Harry himself was the fool. Somehow, he had to get the older man's trust back  
  
Harry moved his left hand down to capture Severus' right, and then he slowly brought it up in what little space there was between the two bodies. He finally placed the older man's hand over Harry's heart, his own hand keeping it in place there, then continued with his speech: "This," he put pressure on their trapped hands for emphasis, "is truth. I may be able to hide everything else from you, and even from myself, but the feelings of the human heart are too big a part of someone to ignore. My current situation, however, has me in a new world completely. For once in my life, my heart is not my own. My heart now belongs to you." 'Don't break it, don't break it, don't break it' Harry pleaded silently inside his own head, repeating the words as though they were his new favorite mantra, "I love you, Severus"  
  
[Look into my heart - you will find  
There's nothin' there to hide  
Take me as I am - take my life  
I would give it all I would sacrifice  
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for  
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more  
Ya know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you]  
  
Under his hand, Severus could feel the quickening pace of the heart, almost as if the organ itself was agreeing to the words. Harry didn't have to tell him all this, for deep down the older man knew. However, there is a strange satisfaction that is acquired from hearing the thoughts you, up until the point of admission, hoped to be true being clarified and proven to you, finally making them real and substantial  
  
Tears built unbidden in the Potions Master's eyes, much to his displeasure, but he couldn't really bring himself to give a damn about that right now; all he cared about was Harry, and holding onto the feelings he was being given  
  
Harry saw the tears glistening in the black orbs and had to fight his own from forming, though the effort was futile. Instead, he leaned forward and whispered, "No, shh, don't cry, Sev'rus; please don't cry," as he gently rubbed their cheeks together as his eyes closed, trying to sooth the man while attempting to keep his own tears from falling at the same time. He finally removed his right hand from the other man's soft lips and moved it so it now held the back of his head  
  
"Harry," Severus roughly whispered into the other man's ear, but he was at a loss of what else to say to the younger man…his words had left him speechless  
  
Harry pulled back and examined everything about Severus' face to silently assess whether the other man was ok with everything he had voiced. To his relief, he found only love and longing in the eyes of the man he loved, so he smiled a small, shy smile and asked, "Maybe we should continue this in your chambers?"  
  
Snape cocked his head to one side and furrowed his brow in confusion, "You mean -our- chambers?" Then realizations hit him; an alternate meaning: "They -are- still our chambers, aren't they?" fear gripping his heart and finding its way into his eyes, thus making them unable to focus on one thing. He wanted desperately to grab hold of the man in front of him and never let him go all of a sudden  
  
"Severus, please," Harry begged, placing his hand on Severus' cheek to force him to focus on him once more, "they are. They will always be our chambers, love, always"  
  
"Oh, Harry," Severus said, so lost, so vulnerable. The man needed to be held in a tight embrace by his Harry, but he didn't want to initiate it. However, Harry did it for him, as if the message was written on a billboard and placed atop the older man's head for all to see  
  
"I'm here, Severus; I'll always be here. I won't ever leave you again" he held him tighter, and Severus reciprocated every force of it  
  
[There's no love - like your love  
And no other - could give more love  
There's nowhere - unless you're there  
All the time - all the way]  
  
The pair remained that way for a good few minutes until Severus said, "I think you were right"  
  
Harry looked up from his comfortable position with his head in the crook of the other man's neck in confusion, "about what?"  
  
"Maybe we should continue this in our chambers," he smirked, and Harry smiled back, grabbed Severus' hand in his, and led the way into Hogwarts. As they walked through the halls on their way to the dungeons, they barely passed any students, and the ones they did happen to pass merely smiled and waved at them, used to their antics by now  
  
They reached the door to the potions classroom with ease, then swiftly made their way to the door off to the right which led to their private chambers and, speaking the password (white roses - Harry's favorite, which then became 'their' flower), walked into the welcoming room  
  
When Severus closed the door, Harry was on him again, kissing with such fire that, if Severus were wood, would surely have burned him from the intensity. After pillaging his lovers mouth, Harry quickly moved down to kiss and bite at Severus' neck, unbuttoning the other man's outer robe before moving on to the black button-up underneath  
  
"Harry," Severus gasped, both from lack of air and the intense feelings of pleasure his young lover was causing, "bed. Please." he managed to get out between gasps of breath  
  
"Right, probably be more comfortable," Harry agreed, stopping his ministrations, "Sorry about that," he smiled sheepishly  
  
"There's nothing to forgive, but now to the bed, before you kill me by not touching me again," Severus growled and pushed Harry towards the bed which wasn't too far away, and which Harry, not so elegantly, landed upon on his back  
  
The picture the young man made: flushed, heavy breathing, eyes a dark green with lust; almost made Severus growl again, but he refrained. No, instead he actually took action and climbed onto the bed over his lover, leveling him with a predatory gaze. He stayed like that: positioned over the prone form of Harry, not touching any part of him and simply watching him squirm, for quite some time. That is, until Harry took matters into his own hands  
  
Severus leaning over him on all fours, close enough to see and smell but not close enough to touch, was driving Harry into a heightened state of arousal. He had to get some friction, and it had to be soon. So he reached one hand up to grab the back of Severus' neck and greedily pulled him down to kiss him once more, causing Severus to have to lower the rest of his body down to ease any discomfort that not doing so would've caused. Both the men moaned when their bodies touched fully  
  
"Severus, please," Harry begged as he started to remove the other man's clothes once more as soon as their kiss ended, causing Severus to duplicate his actions and start working on Harry's clothes  
  
In no time at all, both men were naked and Severus was now occupied teasing Harry's nipples and eliciting guttural moans from the man below him as he writhed in pleasure  
  
"Sev'rus, oh Sev'rus," Harry slurred, grabbing a hold of the mans head, keeping him in the same spot  
  
"What do you want, Harry?" Severus looked up from his position and asked huskily as his hand drew intricate designs lightly on Harry's sides, knowing it drove him crazy  
  
"You," he gasped, "I need to feel you inside me, Severus, please" he writhed under Severus' ministrations once more  
  
"Then I'll have to get up, love" Severus said and proceeded to do so, but he didn't get far before Harry grabbed him by the shoulders and begged:  
  
"No! Don't leave me, Sev, please don't"  
  
"I need to get the lube real quick, that's all. I'll be back before you know it," Severus promised, moving a hair from in front of Harry's eye lovingly before untangling himself from the younger man. Not 10 seconds later and he was back with the tube of lubricant  
  
Once back on the bed, Severus put some of the contents of the tube onto his fingers and rubbed it in slightly to make it warmer to the touch. He then moved in between Harry's legs and began to insert his pointer finger within Harry's tight hole, which wrung a cry of pleasure from the man below him, which in turn brought a smile to Severus' face  
  
After about a torturous minute of that, Severus added a second finger to the mix and curved his fingers, exactly the way he knew to, so as to cause maximum pleasure, which caused Harry to cry out in ecstasy. It wasn't until Severus had stretched his young lover with three of his fingers that he removed them altogether  
  
Harry whined at the loss of the fingers, but quickly forgot about his argument when he looked up and saw Severus coating his own incredibly hard cock with lube, a look of controlled pleasure on his face. Once he found it sufficiently covered, he rearranged himself so he was now positioned at Harry's entrance, able to look him in the eye  
  
As Severus slowly entered Harry, the two were involved in a soft, sweet kiss. This was their time to relieve any doubts. This was their time to prove their love. This was their time to show the other that they would do absolutely anything asked of them to save the others life. This was their time…point blank  
  
Their love making this day was slow and purposeful, almost leisurely, as if to say, "we have forever", which it was true, they did  
  
[Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more  
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you - Yeah I'd die for you]  
  
In the afterglow, Harry curled up with his head on Severus' chest, and right before they fell asleep, Severus spoke up: "Harry…can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure, what is it?" Harry yawned, not bothering to even raise his head, too comfy to care  
  
"You love me, right?"  
  
"Of course, with all of my heart"  
  
"Good. Because you have made me the happiest man in these last three years that we've spent together. You are my life, Harry, and you have my heart to take the place of that missing one of yours that I seem to have," they both smirked a little at that statement, "and I want you to keep it…forever, if you'll have it that long," Severus sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair as Harry finally found the ability to look up, "What I mean to say, Harry, is will you do me the honor or continuing to make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"  
  
The look of shock didn't last long on young Potter's face, for it was quickly replaced by a look of pure happiness and love, "Yes, Severus, of course I'll marry you" Harry beamed widely as Severus released the breath he didn't know he had been holding  
  
"Why you would still want your old greasy potions master is beyond my logic, but that doesn't make me any less happy," Severus said before the two kissed passionately and deeply once more  
  
[Ya know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you]  
  
()()()()()()()()()()  
  
So that's chapter 4…again, I'm incredibly sorry for the long wait, things just kept pilling up  
  
The song that was "playing" this time was '(Everything I do) I do it for you' by Bryan Adams  
  
But, as always, I hope you liked it and that it wasn't disappointing  
  
Please tell me if you think anything in this chapter is too NC-17ish for this site. I don't think anything is, but I'm not that good of a judge of my own works, so your help with this would be greatly appreciated  
  
Oh yes, and do you guys want another chapter maybe? I thought this might be where I ended, but if you guys want a more concluding last chapter; I could try to cook one up, just let me know 


	5. The Happy Union

First off, I'm incredibly sorry for making you guys wait so terribly long for this chapter! I got writers block with it and danced around the whole thing a lot…so don't be surprised if you find multiple filler things. I hope the length of this chapter makes up for the long wait, and again, I hope it doesn't disappoint  
  
This chapter isn't based around a song, and it doesn't have a poem in it either…this is because I honestly couldn't decide on a song I liked best to go with this chapter, so I left it to go one its own  
  
Note: I reposted this chapter with an edit so that Severus and Harry now stand on opposite sides of the aisle...sorry for the confusion, if anyone caught it  
  
Now, after a long wait, I proudly present to you: your final chapter to 'My Worst Fear'

* * *

Severus sat in the chair by the fireplace pretending to read a potions book. He wasn't reading because he seemed to find the almost hyperactive movements of his fiancé of five months to be more entertaining. The younger man could be seen bustling about, making "last minute" preparations for the upcoming wedding on Saturday, July 11  
  
As Severus gazed lightly over the top of the book, he saw Dobby disappearing after receiving his orders for the food that was to be served four days from now. After the house elf had gone, Harry began to straighten the sample floral arrangements for the sixth time, but before he could even begin, his gaze fell upon the Potion's Master and the smirk that he was sporting  
  
"And what, pray tell, do you find so amusing?" Harry inquired rather harshly, crossing his arms over his chest as he faced the man fully  
  
"Oh, nothing," Severus said while giving his hand a small, dismissive wave before returning to the task of "reading", but this only angered Harry further, apparently  
  
"Oh no you don't, I know you better than that, Severus Snape," the young man said as he stalked over to the chair and had one hand on each armrest by the end of the statement, effectively blocking him in  
  
This did not faze Severus, however, who simple replied coolly, "Do you now? Well, if you know me so well, then what did I find so amusing?"  
  
Harry opened his mouth to answer, but, upon discovering that he didn't know what to say, he closed it once more before responding, "I don't know," he admitted while glaring. The glare turned into a look of pure exhaustion, anticipation and anxiety, and Severus couldn't help but take pity on the other man  
  
"I was merely taking pleasure in watching you run your cute little ass around these dungeon rooms like an over-eager house wife, is all," Severus smirked. He may have pitied Harry enough to enlighten him, but that wasn't going to stop him from stressing the amusement of the situation…he -did- have a reputation to uphold, after all  
  
Harry 'humphed' angrily and then said, "Well if you would help out in planning, I wouldn't have to be running around so much and worrying all the time that -our- day won't be as perfect as it should be"  
  
"You're the one who wanted a big fiasco, Harry," Severus pointed out for the fourth time, "I would've been perfectly happy getting married with only Albus as the minister…and possibly two or so witnesses"  
  
Harry was too exhausted to continue to stand so imposingly in front of Severus any longer, especially when he knew it did absolutely no good anyway, so he walked over to the couch directly across from the other man and sat down heavily  
  
"But, I couldn't leave the Weasley's out…they've been my only real family. And Hermione, she's been with me almost as long as Ron has," Harry explained rather pleadingly, partially because he knew it'd get Severus to back down, and also because he just felt like whining a little bit, to be honest  
  
Well, it worked its magic, because Severus softened immediately, mostly because of the names that were left out  
  
Harry had said nothing about the Dursley's coming, simply because they had refused to "attend a gathering of freaks to honor freaky gayness" (always the eloquent ones with words) and had said they hoped they'd never see him again since he didn't need them anymore, which had been just fine with Harry, who had just invited them as a formality, knowing they'd never come. And Severus was still convinced they would've said all that in a howler had they a) trusted magic and b) knew how to work one  
  
The main reason Severus didn't want to make a big spectacle out of the wedding was not, contrary to popular belief, that he was not a very social or open person (though that did play a part). No, the reason was that he had no one he really cared to be there  
  
His parents were no longer alive, and therefore could not attend, and the only other person he really wanted (or maybe even needed) to see this, besides Harry, of course, was Albus; and the man was running the sermon, for crying out loud! Yes, he'd be fine simply with Harry, Albus and himself there  
  
But coming back to the conversation at hand, Severus said: "I know, Harry, and I understand all that, but I already told you I'm no good at decorations and formal planning that isn't in the form of a class schedule"  
  
Harry arose from his spot on the couch and sauntered back over to Severus' chair and placed himself on the man's lap, so he was straddling his legs and looking him in the eye  
  
Pouting a little, his lower lip sticking out ever so slightly, Harry said: "But it almost seems as though you don't want to even have the wedding, much less participate in it"  
  
Severus rolled his eyes and growled irritably, "Don't want to participate? Harry, I was the one to bloody ask you to marry me! I practically sent you a formal invitation to attend -my- wedding"  
  
"-You- invited -me- to -your- wedding?" Harry asked indignantly, "I think bloody not! By asking me you invited yourself into -my- wedding"  
  
Severus smirked, knowing he'd accomplished his task, "Fine, I invited myself into -your- wedding," Harry gave a triumphant smile at this before Severus continued, "So it's -your- job to plan it how -you- want it," Severus out right smiled at the end as Harry's own smile disappeared  
  
Harry simply sat there, stunned. How had the other man turned the tables on him so easily? "That was a dirty trick," he said, narrowing his eyes  
  
"Almost Slytherin like, would you say?" Severus asked, attempting to keep a straight face and all humor out of his voice, but failing somewhat, causing the comment to anger Harry even more  
  
"Yes, Almighty Head of Slytherin House, -very- Slytherin like. I knew I shoulda went for a Gryffindor," Harry crossed his arms over his chest as his lower lip protruded once more as he pouted for the second time that night  
  
#"Oh please, and give up the Slytherin Sex God?" Severus scoffed, "I think not"  
  
" 'Oh please' yourself! Just because you could sing more songs about your multiple relations then Malfoy could doesn't mean there's not a more talented Slytherin in bed"  
  
"If I recall correctly, you weren't so opposed to it while you were writhing as you pleasured yourself under a conjured shower on the quidditch pitch, in front of the whole school, while I was singing 'Freedom '90' to symbolize our…relations…" Severus countered while raising an eyebrow#  
  
Harry blushed and shifted a little on Severus' lap at the memory of that night, "It's not my fault I was in love with you and your sexy voice and wasn't able to control my emotions"  
  
"Admit it, you didn't want to see Draco win"  
  
"Of course not! If I can lay claim to the Slytherin Sex God, I'll take it," Harry smirked confidently  
  
"Awww, how touching," Severus said, placing a hand over his heart, mocking the words he'd just spoken  
  
Harry just shook his head, as if taunting the older man, as he glared and stuck his tongue out, too exhausted to do anything else beyond that simple act. Severus saw the fatigue, too, and said, "Harry, I would ask you to hand the reigns over to Hermione and Ginny completely and have them finish the plans if I knew there was even the slightest chance you'd comply. However, since I'm more intelligent than that, I'll simply ask that you have them assist you for the next four days"  
  
Harry gave the older man a skeptical look before Severus continued, "Please, Harry? You can't keep this up for that long"  
  
The sincerity of the concern in Severus' eyes caught Harry's heart instantly, and he was agreeing before he even knew what he was saying, "Of course, Sev, I'll ask them tomorrow"  
  
"Thank you," Severus said, kissing the younger man softly, "Now, shall we go to bed?"  
  
"What time is it?" Harry asked, bewildered by the question. He knew he tended to lose track of time while planning, but he didn't think it'd been that long  
  
"10:30 already, and we've got that meeting with Albus in the morning"  
  
"Oh bugger! I completely forgot about that"  
  
"So to bed it is, then," Severus laughed before picking Harry up as he stood and carried the light boy to the bedroom, where both men changed quickly and promptly fell asleep in each others arms  
  
Neither awoke until seven the next morning so they could get ready to be up in the Headmaster's office by eight. As soon as both men were showered and dressed, they made their way up to Dumbledore's office hand in hand  
  
Severus said the password (red liquorish) as they reached the stone gargoyle that blocked the entrance to the office, and Harry knocked when they reached the door to said office. The pair entered only when they heard the Headmaster call to them to do so  
  
Upon entering, Severus sat himself in the chair positioned furthest from the doorway while Harry took the closest  
  
"Tea? Lemon drop?" Dumbledore offered them, though both refused; much too early for sweets, and neither was particularly fond of the old man's tea  
  
"Now, I merely called you up here today to check on preparation progress. So, with that, how -is- the planning coming along?"  
  
"Very well, actually, I think we finally decided on the floral and seating arrangements, as well as the color for our robes, along with the color of yours," Harry replied, ignoring Severus' snort at 'we finally decided'  
  
"Excellent, very excellent," Dumbledore's blue eyes sparkled behind his half moon spectacles as he smiled, "And what color robes are to be assigned?"  
  
"Severus and I will wear matching navy blue dress robes with silver trim, since he refuses to wear anything bright, and I refuse to wear black dress robes on my wedding day," Harry sent a sideways glare towards his lover before continuing, "And you, Albus, will be wearing green dress robes…though a darker shade so as not to contrast too badly with us"  
  
"Sounds wonderful, boys," Dumbledore replied enthusiastically, "that was basically all I needed; unless you two have any questions, comments or great thoughts?"  
  
"Yes, I have one for you, Albus," Severus stated in his stern, teacher voice  
  
"Oh? And what is that, my boy?" Dumbledore asked enthusiastically  
  
"Why in bloody hell did you have to wake me up so damn early, not only during my summer break, but also three days prior to my wedding?!" Severus seethed as both the Headmaster and Harry jumped a good foot in the air from the outburst  
  
Before Dumbledore could answer, however, Harry stood up, grabbed Severus' arm, hauled him out of the chair and then pushed him in the direction of the door while Severus was still glaring daggers at the old man  
  
"Sorry about him, we revisited a touchy memory for us both last night, and I'm afraid he's a tad edgy because of it," Harry explained and Dumbledore smiled once more, "Thank you for your time, Albus," he finished and then they left the office  
  
"What was -that- about?" Harry demanded once they were in the hallway  
  
"What?" Severus feigned innocence, slowly coming out of teacher mode  
  
"If you're not careful, that man's gonna walk out and refuse to perform the ceremony; -then- where would we be?"  
  
Severus laughed, then said, "Walk out on us? -Us-, Harry? He wouldn't ever do that"  
  
"Oh yeah? And what makes you so sure?" Harry asked skeptically  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, dear, we're like his surrogate sons that he never had, whether we want to be or not"  
  
"Well true…but that doesn't mean…" Harry continued his skeptical streak. That is…until Severus cut him off  
  
"Oh yes, Harry, yes it does; it absolutely means that he won't leave us on the happiest day of our lives…and probably one of the happiest for him, as well," Severus said, smugly  
  
"Uck! You're insufferable! You know that, don't you?" Harry said disgustedly as he walked off, leaving Severus standing there, shocked  
  
Severus ran after the younger man, and, when he finally caught up to him, asked, "What'd I say?"  
  
"You think you can just mistreat him like that? I don't understand how you're able to. I know how much he means to you…everything that he means to you…and yet you can still feel no shame in treating him that way?"  
  
"Harry, I was just stating the truth…that's all"  
  
"I know…but think about it, Sev: if you're willing to treat even -Albus- that way, a man who has basically been your father and you both care about each other, what's to stop you from doing that to me?"  
  
Severus felt lost because he had already forgotten what he'd said about the older man, "I…I don't understand, Harry. What's to stop me from doing what?"  
  
"From walking all over me because you know that I care about you too much to let it ruin anything!"  
  
Severus just stood there, too stunned to do anything else, "I would never do that…I promise I'll never do that," he finally said in a desperate voice  
  
"I don't know if I can trust that," Harry stated, equally desperate  
  
"What -can- you trust? What can I do to make you see that I'd never do that?"  
  
Harry thought for a moment as he gazed into Severus' eyes, "Prove to me that you can control the urge to put others down. Prove to me you can be a human being most of the time. Prove to me that your actions are controlled and that I have no reason to fear them," Harry walked closer to Severus, sadness in his eyes, and wrapped his arms around the other man's waist as he buried his face in his neck, before whispering: "Prove to me that you love me too much to ever do it"  
  
Severus lifted Harry's head from his neck by placing two fingers below the others chin and raising it. He looked into the green eyes that he loved so incredibly much…the ones that were so desperate to feel secure; but not secure just anywhere, no, desperate to feel secure in Severus' arms  
  
The older man leaned down slowly, keeping his eyes open and always on the others eyes as he did so, and kissed the other so softly that it was barely felt, putting every feeling of love into it, then pulled away  
  
"I will do all that you asked and more, if that's what it takes for you to trust me again," Severus vowed  
  
Harry smiled, a rather small smile, before arching up and claiming Severus' lips with and as his own in a bruising kiss, "Sounds like a plan," he said once he pulled away  
  
The two proceeded down to their quarters in the dungeons to continue their day. They sat for a little while in front of the fireplace (though it was charmed to not let off any heat, seeing as how it was the beginning of July), content to simply hold each other in their arms, as they were equally lost in their own thoughts  
  
After a nice, quiet lunch, Harry contacted Hermione and Ginny to ask for their help with the planning, to which both readily agreed. With their help, the remaining arrangements were quickly made, and Harry was more rested and happy for it  
  
In no time at all (as it seemed to the pair) it was Saturday morning. For the first time in…at least two years, they didn't wake up in each others arms…or even the same bed…or even the same -room-, because, according to tradition, they were not to see each other at all until the wedding. So in effect, Harry had slept in Gryffindor tower with Ron and Hermione, while Severus remained in the dungeons  
  
Severus awoke the next morning and made to pull his lover in closer, but when all he came across was a pillow (which he had unknowingly placed in his arms the night before to take Harry's place), he growled. After a few seconds of deep consideration, Severus made up his mind and threw the pillow as hard as he could to hit the wall across the room. With doing so, he smiled contently before burying his face in his own pillow once more before growing tired of lying in the bed, hoping Harry would come back in so he could hold him. So as he grumpily rolled out of bed, he was, non-too quietly, cursing the "stupid tradition that was keeping him from seeing his lover…dammit all!"  
  
As for Harry…? Well…he didn't wake up any better then Severus had, except that he had witnesses  
  
"Fuck! I -hate- this!" he yelled when he woke up and remembered he couldn't snuggle into his lovers embrace, effectively waking Ron and Hermione  
  
At the outburst, Ron sat upright in his bed suddenly, looking around frantically, and asked, "What? Wha' happened?'  
  
"I didn't wake up in Severus' arms, that's what happened," Harry said angrily  
  
"Awwww, that's so sweet, Harry," Hermione cooed  
  
"I don't wanna be sweet, I just want my Severus back!" Harry whined and then pouted, folding his arms over his chest  
  
"It's only for," Ron looked at his watch to see that it was 10:09, and then continued, "four hours"  
  
"Why did I let you guys talk me into this?"  
  
"What? Getting married?" Ron asked, genuinely confused  
  
"No, Ron, for "making" him agree to follow tradition," Hermione said, exasperated  
  
"It's not necessary," Harry pointed out for the millionth time  
  
To which Hermione insisted, "But it's tradition," for the counter millionth time  
  
"It's dumb," he pouted once more, ending the conversation  
  
The next three hours went smoothly, and by half way through the last hour, both men were dressed and ready, both in their respective quarters  
  
"I'm gonna go check to make sure Ginny's ready," Hermione said, "Ron, would you go check to make sure everything's running smoothly?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Ron said and the two headed towards the door  
  
Before walking out, Hermione turned and said, "We'll leave you alone now. I'll come back up and get you when it's time, so -stay here-" to which Harry simply nodded, already formulating a plan in his head  
  
Sure enough, he only waited two minutes, just to be safe, before heading off to the dungeons to see his soon-to-be husband, after leaving a note for Hermione telling her that she "knew where to find him"  
  
He walked into their rooms without knocking to find Severus pacing at the foot of their bed. Harry stopped right in front of the now closed door, his back to it, and simply smiled at the older mans actions. He still hadn't seen him, so Harry took matters into his own hands and strode over to him, enveloping him in his arms  
  
Severus was stunned by the sudden action and pulled back slightly to see who had hugged him. When he saw Harry's face and eyes so full of love, he smiled and then pulled him back in for another embrace  
  
"I missed you so much," Severus said before kissing Harry  
  
"I missed you, too"  
  
"You know we're gonna have bad luck now, right?" Severus smirked  
  
"Screw it, bad luck follows me no matter what I do anyway"  
  
"Touché, Mr. Potter"  
  
The two men simply stood there holding each other and kissing languidly for the remaining ten minutes before they were retrieved. Harry, of course, was berated for leaving his room and breaking tradition by Hermione as she walked him out onto the Hogwarts grounds and Ginny escorted Severus by a different route  
  
The decorations finally came into view for both the men (on opposite sides of the set up), and both were shocked. Even though Harry had been doing most of the planning and knew everything that was going to be included, even how it was to be arranged, it still didn't lessen the amount of joy and awe he felt and actually seeing the final product. Harry stopped in his tracks, mouth falling open slightly as a few tears gathered in his eyes and he turned towards Hermione, bringing her into a tight embrace and repeating, "thank you thank you thank you thank you" over and over again in her ear  
  
"You're welcome, Harry, it was a pleasure," she said once she was released, "But if you don't hurry, you'll be late for your own wedding"  
  
She laughed at Harry's look of shock before he grabbed her hand as they ran the rest of the way. Once they arrived there, both panting a little from the exertion, Harry saw that Severus was already positioned in his spot to the right of the aisle, behind the crowd, and Ginny had previously moved to take her spot with the rest of the Weasley family on Harry's side  
  
Harry faced Hermione and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before she took her spot next to Ron at the front as his formal witness. Harry then took his own spot to the left of the aisle, behind the crowd  
  
And then, just like that, the tune of Canon in D began to play, signaling that the two should make their way to the front. Everyone stood as the two walked towards each other, turned to face forward as they linked arms (Harry's right with Severus' left) and began to walk towards Albus, who was grinning madly  
  
As the pair was about to pass each row, the occupants fell to one knee and bowed their heads to show their respect for the two, and soon enough they were stationed in front the Headmaster  
  
"You may all sit down," Albus announced to the gathering, and all arose from bended knee, faced forward and inclined their heads slightly before sitting down once more  
  
"Weddings are a joyous occasion for all who witness them," Albus began once everyone was settled, "In the wizarding world, it matters not whether it is a man marrying a man, a woman marrying a woman, or a man marrying a woman; all that matters is that one follows their heart to find the one person that makes them complete," he announced, smiling at his two boys, "And these two claim to have done just that.   
  
There is another, more complicated event that may transpire within the joining of two people, one that cannot be controlled or ultimately planned, and that is the art of bonding," he paused a moment before continuing, "This is a rare thing, and only transpires if the two are destined lovers, meaning that in every life they have been through before this, they were lovers there, as well. The life of a Wizard does not end with death, for it is proven that we stay in an afterlife for all of time, and those who are bonded will stay as such there, as well. It is a great thing, indeed," his blue eyes twinkled at the two in front of him knowingly, "We will know if the bonding has taken place, for we will see a great silver light with gold swirls engulf them, combining their two magic's together, as well as their minds. With that explained, I shall now begin the ritual"  
  
Harry and Severus first had to be given away. Ron stepped forward first and stood in front of the two before speaking, "I, Ronald Weasley, believe that this union is meant to be and that both parties are willing to give all they have to the other. If any harm shall come upon my friend, Harry Potter, in any form from one Severus Snape, I reserve the right to take measures in my own hands if it is the wish of Harry, and swear that I will do nothing illegal in the process of bringing him justice," Ron recited the traditional oath of loyalty, "I hand the task of taking care of Harry over to you, Severus, treat him well," he finished and remained standing  
  
Next Minerva stepped forward, took the spot next to Ron, and began her oath, "I, Minerva McGonagall, believe that this union is meant to be and that both parties are willing to give all they have to the other. If any harm shall come upon my friend, Severus Snape, in any form from one Harry Potter, I reserve the right to take measures in my own hands if it is the wish of Severus, and swear that I will do nothing illegal in the process of bringing him justice. I hand the task of taking care of Severus over to you, Harry, treat him well," she finished and remained standing, waiting for Dumbledore's next instructions  
  
"Acknowledge and prove that what you have said is what you truly feel," Albus said, then Ron and Minerva switched places so that she was now standing in front of Harry, and he was standing in front of Severus. The two glanced at each other, nodded once, then turned and kissed their friends spouse on the forehead, "Thank you, you may step down," Albus said, and the two moved to the opposite side as before, so now Ron stood behind Severus and Minerva behind Harry  
  
"Now, will the grooms please face each other and clasp hands?" Albus asked, though it was more of an order, and the two men obliged, holding the others left in their right and vice versa, "Harry, you will go first; take the wedding band you wish to present to Severus and hold it in your right hand," Harry did so, "Good, now repeat after me: I, Harry James Potter,"  
  
"I, Harry James Potter,"  
  
"Offer this ring to Severus Rowland Snape,"  
  
"Offer this ring to Severus Rowland Snape,"  
  
"As a token of my everlasting and undying love."  
  
"As a token of my everlasting and undying love."  
  
"Now place the ring on his left ring finger," Albus smiled as Harry slid the platinum band with sapphire gems placed evenly throughout on said finger while looking into slightly teary eyes  
  
"Severus, you're next. Please take the wedding band you wish to present to Harry and hold it in your right hand," Severus complied, "Now, repeat after me: I, Severus Rowland Snape,"  
  
"I, Severus Rowland Snape,"  
  
"Offer this ring to Harry James Potter,"  
  
"Offer this ring to Harry James Potter,"  
  
"As a token of my everlasting and undying love."  
  
"As a token of my everlasting and undying love."  
  
"Now place the ring on his left ring finger," Albus instructed the other man, who slid the identical match of his own on said finger, "Wonderful," Albus smiled brightly before continuing, "Will the two formal witness please step forward?" he said as Harry and Severus faced the front once again  
  
Hermione Granger moved from her spot next to Minerva as Filius Flitwick moved from his spot next to Ron. The two walked forward so they stood next to Dumbledore, their backs to everyone else as two pieces of parchment appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, to hover in front of the two with a quill off to the side  
  
"If it is your wish to see these two finally be wed, sign the document in front of you. By doing so you are assuming the position of witness and could be called upon to testify everything that you witness here today," Hermione and Filius didn't hesitate at all after Dumbledore had spoken, and both signed confidently. As soon as they finished, the papers and quills disappeared just as quickly as they had come  
  
"Thank you, you may step down," the two switched sides as well, just as Minerva and Ron and had done, so that now Severus was backed by Harry's most trusted friends, and vice versa  
  
"All that is left now is to consummate this joining," Albus said merrily  
  
As the two faced each other, holding each others hands once more and looking in each others teary eyes, they felt different. It almost felt as if a ton of weight was added to both and neither could move much. Not knowing what was going on, but not necessarily caring at the moment, the two leaned in for their first, passionate kiss as life mates  
  
What happened was not just a kiss, and they knew it. As soon as their mouths had opened to greet the other in the kiss, it felt as though half of their soul and magic was being removed and placed inside the other as a sudden mighty wind began. And both knew, they knew without even opening their eyes and seeing the beautiful display of silver and gold, that they were now bonded as well as married  
  
When they finally opened their eyes, the lights had gone and the wind had died down, but the looks on everyone's faces was enough evidence to prove to them it had actually happened  
  
'Wow,' Harry thought, and Severus looked him in the eye with a smirk  
  
"Wow, indeed, Mr. Potter"  
  
"You could hear that?" Harry asked after he had finished doing an amazingly good impression of a fish out of water  
  
"Of course, it's a result of the bonding, I'm afraid," Severus out-right smiled  
  
"Oh…well…that won't be so bad," Harry donned a mischievous smirk  
  
And for the fist time in a long while, Severus Snape, sadistic bastard Potions Master, was scared  
  
The two were brought back to reality by clapping and cheering, which made them both blush a nice shade of pink  
  
They were married, bonded and loved. Things will go wrong down the road, but for right now, everything was perfect. Everything was going to be all right.  
  
THE END

* * *

Holy crap! What did you guys do to me? This thing is 11 pages and 11 lines long! I -never- do that! I think I now know how JK Rowling can write such terribly long books  
  
The little few lines that I placed in between #'s was a reference to a story I read awhile ago (on adultfanfiction.net, if I'm not mistaken) which is no longer on there, and I can't remember its title, but it was a sing-off between Severus and Draco for the title of Slytherin Sex God…included such songs as 'Werewolves of London', 'Freedom '90', the 'What's new pussy cat' song and many others…if you are the author of this story or have also read it and know the title, please tell me and I'll gladly put the information in here. I loved that story, by the way, I read it many times and would be interested in finding it so I can read it once more…  
  
Ok…with that all said, I'd like to thank all of my faithful reviewers (and readers that didn't review) for keeping me motivated with this story (you can blame the long wait on my Muse, Wynton, who was borrowed by a friend for the time being, so this was done without my wonderful little dragon)  
  
Thanks again, I believe that was the last chapter…watch for other story's written by me ::coughCriminalcough:: it'd be fun to see past reviewers following my work… 


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